Falls Apart
by Firenzie
Summary: Another songfic. Drama, angsty... This one is about suicide and the smartypants studyholic we all know and love.


**Falls Apart**

By Firenze

Harry Potter, age 17, was oversleeping. At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he was having a pleasant, but strange, dream about ways that his enemies could get killed. 

"Harry!" Ron shouted urgently. He threw open Harry's curtains and roughly shook him. "Harry, wake up!"

Harry snapped to attention at the note of stress in Ron's frantic voice. "What?" he moaned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "It better be good, I was having the most terrific dream…it was so amazing. Draco Malfoy had been electrocuted, Snape went to Azkaban, the Dursleys got locked in a room with some dragons, and Hermione committed suicide…"

"This happens to be about Hermione," Ron said, very quietly. 

"Did she die?"

He shook his head, since he wasn't quite sure. 

"Then why do you think I would care?" Harry snapped. "Waking me up for _her_? I can't believe you Ron. That bossy, mean, know-it-all, egg-headed, interfering, genius, conceited, control freak-" 

Ron gasped. He quickly cut Harry off. "Shut up!" He stopped. 

Harry stared at him blankly. Ron was the one who was usually complaining the most about her.

Ron looked ashamed. "I mean, quit it okay? This is really serious and Hermione – she - she… Well, she didn't die…yet, but she – she… Well, it was like in your dream, she tried to commit suicide." 

Harry drew in his breath rapidly. "What?" he cried out in disbelief. "You're not serious - ?" 

"She's in the Infirmary, and Madam Pomfrey has been trying to fix her up, but it's really critical, and spells can't cure something if it has been purposely self-inflicted and the person doesn't want it healed. That unfortunately is the case. Hermione doesn't want to live anymore." 

Harry nearly fainted. "What?! Wh- why would she do anything like that?"

"I don't really know. I'm going to go check on her now. I only heard this from McGonagall. You should change quickly and see what's she's like. It sounded really serious." 

Harry didn't even bother to change properly. He practically ripped off his striped pajamas and threw on a blue tee shirt and a pair of jeans. He flattened his hair and sprinted as fast as he could down the stairs and out the common room before Ron, not even caring that he had run into Lavender and a fifth year boy who he didn't know well.

He just went as fast as he could, and bumped into Professor McGonagall on the way to the Infirmary. But she didn't say anything like, "Slow down Potter," or "Watch where you're going Potter," or "One point from Gryffindor for running in the halls." Her eyes were mysteriously puffy, and she just gave him a sad look and walked away.

Ron panted to keep up with Harry's unnatural burst of energy. He was at least one hundred yards behind, and then he saw Harry disappear around a corner. 

Harry, who was running faster than lightening, finally made it to the Infirmary. He burst inside, not even caring what Madam Poppy Pomfrey, the school nurse, thought. Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster, was inside, looking at one patient in the bed. Harry came closer, and his heart dropped. It was Hermione.

Dumbledore's eyes were misty. "I was waiting for you Harry. I knew you'd be here. She'd want you here now." Then he walked away.

Harry was in shock. That was Hermione? It wasn't the cheery, smart, happy girl with bushy, brown hair that he knew. She was terrible. 

It was a lifeless corpse, with tubes all around her. She was bandaged in every place imaginable. Her hands were cut very badly, she had several large bruises on her head, her hair was a tangled mess, she had a breathing tube in her nose, an I.V. connected to her arm, and she was almost in a body cast. Her eyes were shut, and she didn't even look alive. 

Harry began to cry and fell to his knees beside Hermione's bed. He carefully and gently picked up her hand, which was limp, bloody, bandaged heavily, and bruised. How could she do this to herself? Why would she do this? He knew. And he wished he had paid more attention to her, been nicer, made others be nice to her. He hadn't really hated her, and he truly didn't want her to die. 

"WHY Hermione? Why did you do this?" he whispered, choking on sobs.

Madam Pomfrey came bustling in with a teaspoon of Pepper-Up Potion for a first year Ravenclaw boy, but stopped at the sight of Harry staring at Hermione. She almost cried herself; the scene was so heartbreaking.

Harry heard her come in. He gently put Hermione's hand by her side, and looked at Madam Pomfrey. "How is she?" he whispered. 

Madam Pomfrey wiped her eyes. "She's in a terrible state. She's unconscious, may even be in a coma. She cannot breathe on her own, she's too weak, and her lungs look damaged. She's lost a lot of vitamins and things she really needs, since it looks like she has undergone several weeks of purposeful starvation. Her tissues have been eaten away. Her right leg is broken, she's covered everywhere in bruises and serious gashes and cuts, and she's lost a lot of blood. I don't know if she'll be okay, or even – or even live.

"We can't cure her, because it is a law of High Magic that things can't be healed if it was self-inflicted, or the person doesn't want to be healed, or alive even. In Miss Granger's case, it's both. We don't know what to do. We've contacted the Granger's of course, and they want her to stay under Hogwarts' care, but I really would recommend her going to the wizard hospital. This is serious, and I can't say if she'll ever recover." 

Harry was in hysterical sobs. "No…" he whispered. He took one last look at his best friend, and ran out of the Infirmary, faster than he had come in. He bumped into Ron, who finally made it there, and was panting and bent over.

Ron stared at him, then glanced at Madam Pomfrey…and then Hermione. She was terrible, and it took all he could to not imitate Harry and run out just to get away from that nightmarish sight. "Hermione…" he whispered letting his tears run freely. 

Harry had no idea where he was going this time. He stumbled around blindly through the castles. And unfortunately, he ran into Draco Malfoy. Harry tried his best to cover his tearstained face.

Apparently, Malfoy knew what had happened to Hermione, and saw him sobbing. "I heard what happened to your Mudblood friend, Potty. Shame she isn't dead yet. I know she'll die soon though, what a relief. I'm surprised anyone can stand that bossy, Mudblood, know-it-all. Oh, look, you're blubbering, aren't you? You're such a loser, a stupid, pathetic wimp –"

Harry was enraged, furious, and actually shaking with ferocity. He was almost angrier than he had ever been in his whole life. He hit Malfoy in the face with all his might, with a surprising strength that dwarfed his normal force. Malfoy's nose was pouring out, and almost overflowing, with blood. That wasn't enough. Harry punched him in his left eye, shouting a string of muffled curse words. Finally he hit every part of Malfoy he could, until Malfoy fell over. Harry kicked in hard in the stomach. 

Malfoy screamed in pain. Since when did Potter have all this strength? Malfoy wanted to see what he looked like. He guessed he was going to die; he was covered in bruises and gashes, and blood was pouring out everywhere. 

Harry seemed to know what he was thinking. "You're not even close to one one-hundredth as hurt as Hermione is right now, you fucking bastard!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. 

Of course, students came running from the Great Hall, at the first sound of shouts. And of course the teachers came as fast as they could.

Harry stared at what he had done. And again, he ran as fast as he could. He ran out of the castle, and sprinted down the hill. He stumbled towards the bottom, but he didn't fall down. He was crying so hard, and he could barely breathe. Finally, he collapsed crying. He almost thought of drowning himself in the lake, but his sense got the better of him. 

He tried to think of anything, but Hermione kept popping into his mind. Why, oh why had he been so mean to her, and let other people walk all over her too? He was so thickheaded! How could he not notice that she was starving herself? That she was in a horrible state already, and people just ridiculed her further. That she was slowly eating away, falling apart?

He stopped trying to avoid considering about Hermione, and he reflected upon her, and then realized how miserable she had really been. 

_ _

_She falls apart by herself_

# No ones there to talk or understand

Harry saw that Ron, everyone, and him had all been so mean to her. Hermione had been falling to pieces, and not a single soul had been there for her, to cheer her up, talk to her, or keep her company.

_Feels sustained, dries here eyes_

# Finds herself, opens the door inside

_People see right through you_

_Everyone who knew you well_

# Falls apart, might as well

_Day is long and nothing is wasteful___

_ _

Harry felt like a fool. She had been crying so much, and they were too busy to even notice that she was just slowly breaking up? She had tried her best to be strong, and tried to hide it. Though it wasn't too hard, since everyone avoided her, looked right past her, didn't even realize that she still existed. Of course, the people who noticed knew that she was falling apart, and didn't do a thing about it.

_ _

_Runaway runaway _

_Hold, hold you but your going away_

## Runaway runaway 

_Hold you tomorrow but your leaving today___

_ _

He was an idiot. He had waited too long. Why didn't he ever apologize to her? Now it was too late. She was going to die, he knew it, and it was partly his own fault that he would never see his best friend alive. He wanted to be with her one last time; hear her laugh, teach him things he never knew, see her smile, persuade him to do the right thing, just to hear her voice one more time before she left him entirely.

_ _

_You walk along by yourself_

_There's no sound, nothing is changing_

_Been gone away, left you there_

_Emptiness is nothing you can't share_

_All those words that hurt you_

_More than you would let it show_

_Comes apart, by yourself _

_All is well and everything is wasted_

_ _

Hermione had done well at hiding the way she really felt in front of people. But when she was alone, she could never stop the tears from falling. She had been pretty empty without friends, without fun, without a thing in the world to do. She only had her studies, and yet she was ridiculed about that too. People always teased her, thinking that the words hadn't sunk through. But she had been gradually unraveling. She couldn't take it, so she decided to kill herself.

_ _

_Runaway runaway _

_Hold you but your going away_

_Runaway runaway _

_Hold you tomorrow but your leaving today_

_ _

Harry wondered what Hermione had been thinking at her last moments of consciousness. He imagined a scene with her standing on the edge of the high Astronomy Tower. Then she jumped. It was pretty close to the truth, what Hermione had done. 

But Harry still didn't get it. Why did she do it? Did she think her life was already over before she even jumped? Did she stop to consider her family, her friends, all the people that loved her? Harry knew now that it wasn't possible for him to hate Hermione. He had loved her, and not only like a relative or something, but he had really been in love with her. He was such a fool, and now all he could do was mope around and regret acting so mean to her.

_ _

_Sometimes we'll feel around and this dance instead can't be down_

_All the sound of me on my own_

_Any sound of me again it's time away surround around a friend_

_I know where I know where no where to runaway_

_ _

Although Hermione was unconscious, she was somewhere in some other dimension. Nobody was really sure what happened to people in comas, or when they were unconscious. They were actually still alive. Hermione at the moment was thinking to herself. 

She had been by herself. She had tried to take the easy way out of her problems instead of working it out. Was it the right choice? Should she go back, let herself be healed? What was the point? Things would go back to the way they were before; everyone ignoring her, or otherwise teasing and hating her. 

But should she have left without any goodbyes? She didn't much care. Harry, Ron, and everyone else should have known she would do this if they really knew her. Although Hermione hadn't even known herself that she was going to do it, it had just seemed like a reasonable option. Maybe she had been wrong.

_ _

_She falls apart, no one there_

_Hold her hand, it seems to disappear_

_Falls apart, might as well_

_Day is long and nothing is wasted_

_ _

Rubeus Hagrid, Hogwarts' gamekeeper, gulped down a humongous tankard of fire whiskey. He had heard the news about Hermione. She was going to die, and nobody could help her. He remembered how Hermione had come to his hut a few times, crying hard. He had tried to comfort her, but she was beyond that. She already seemed to be disappearing, before his very eyes. 

But he thought Hermione was rational. Why did she try to take the easy way out, committing suicide? She was stronger than that, he knew it, and everybody except her.

_ _

_Runaway runaway _

_Hold you but your going away_

_Runaway runaway _

_Hold you tomorrow but your leaving today_

_Runaway Runaway_

_Hold you but your going away_

_But your leaving today, but your leaving today_

_ _

Ron stared at the lifeless Hermione. He had been standing stock-still for the past hour, just looking at her. It had been a lot of his fault that she had chosen to kill herself. He wished for anything to see her alive again. He knew he would give up everything he had (and though it wasn't much, it was a lot more to Ron) just to know that she could be okay again. Because he knew that he could have never really hated Hermione. She had been one of his best friends, and he loved her like she was another sister.

He began to think. Was a life really worth as little as Hermione had seen it? Of course not. He began to get angry. Why would she do something so stupid without even thinking of anyone but herself? 

Little did Ron, or anyone really, know what Hermione had been thinking before she had decided to jump, or right now, during the last moments of her life. 

_ _

_Hermione was shivering at the cold, but she walked closer to the edge of the Astronomy Tower. _'Should she do it?' _She peered over the edge nervously. It was a really long drop. She began to have second thoughts, like any reasonable person would. _

_ _

'What about my family? What would they think if I jumped? But what about my family?' _she thought angrily._ 'Had they ever acted as if they gave a damn about me?' _Of course they had, but why should it matter? This was her choice, her decision, her life, not theirs. They should of known that you couldn't expect too much of a person. She couldn't always be perfect, like they wanted her to. She couldn't always be counted on to follow all the rules and be a good little girl. No, this was moderately their fault too. _

_ _

'What about my friends?'_ she wondered, and then scoffed. _'What friends? Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, those friends?' _They couldn't be her true friends if they could just hate her so quickly. She wasn't even too sure why they had started to hate her. She hadn't changed. Maybe that was the problem. But true friends were supposed to always be there for you. _'Where had you guys been when I had been crumbling to dust? Where are you guys right now, when I need you the most?' _They were probably laughing at her. No, they were most likely making fun of her or complaining about her. Friends didn't do that. And the worst part was that she had loved Harry. She couldn't stop herself, she just loved him more than anything._

_ _

'What else did she have?' _She pondered over this for a while. _'I don't have anything else. Love? No, nobody loves me. My knowledge?' _She actually laughed, which was the last thing any sane person who was teetering on the edge of a high tower would do. _'Knowledge?' _Why did she need that? It was one of the particular reasons why everyone hated her. Why else they truly hated her so much, she didn't know. _

'I have my whole life in front of me,' _she thought at last, as a desperate attempt for her sane self to convince her not to jump. Hermione took a deep breath, and slowly took a small step forward. She closed her eyes and shivered, while she pondered this thought. Finally, she decided._

_ _

"What life?" _she said, and took a huge leap off the tower. _

Hermione was about half conscious at the moment. The only part of her that was truly functioning properly was her bruised eyelids. Vaguely, she saw a blur of fiery red. It was Ron. She assumed he had come to laugh at her one last time. She guessed that she had made the right choice.

But she was truly disappointed. _'Why didn't it work? Why hadn't she died? Why did this have to be the one thing that she had to get wrong? All the pointless things she did correctly, and she couldn't even kill herself properly?' _

Even though it was too late, the doubts came again. Why had she done it? Was it okay to get rid of her problems the cowardly way? Why hadn't she tried to fix it by herself? She shouldn't have been so foolish. Life was irreplaceable, and she had just gone and threw it away. She felt like nobody was as miserable as she was.

Then when Hermione saw that Ron was crying, she felt like an idiot. She had been wrong to commit suicide, or even think of doing it. She was so confused. She thought of her family, friends, and everyone who had known her. She thought of herself. This instance, however, instead of thinking of the bad times that had happened with them, she thought of all the wonderful, happy moments. 

She hadn't ever been alone in life. As Hermione Granger's short life came slowly to an end, she realized that even when she died, she would still never be by herself. And everyone who had known her and really loved her was sure that she had never truly left them at all. 

### THE END

A/N: That was the first time I have ever done a drama fic, and I have to confess that this took me about a week because I kept neglecting it. I hope you like it. All comments are accepted, so please review. I hope you don't hate me for killing off Hermione, but I told you I would do it sometime. It's about time I finally got to doing it, and I don't mean it like that, I just always procrastinate. Hey, Hermione is my favorite character! 

Please don't hate me or flame me or something for doing this. And one more thing: I just know everyone is going to wonder why everyone including Ron and Harry suddenly hated Hermione. Here's some fun; make it up yourself. That's right, I have no real reason myself, so you come up with one and tell me. 

Disclaimer: All right, here goes. Hogwarts, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Minerva McGonagall, Draco Malfoy, Albus Dumbledore, Madam Poppy Pomfrey, Ginny Weasley, Rubeus Hagrid, and whoever and whatever else I mentioned belong to the fantastic J.K. Rowling, etc.

The song is "Falls Apart," by Sugar Ray, and it belongs to them and whoever else. __

__


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